Smarthinking Tutor Response Form
Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!
Hello, Sofia! My name is Joseph B., and I look forward to working with you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today. Let’s get started!
*Writing Strength:
You do a good job maintaining the context of your draft. Your consistent references to “6 Underground” and the six members help readers identify the film you are supposed to analyze. Well done!
*SOFIA 10701038, you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis:
Sofia, the main focus of your film analysis is not clear:
It portrays a group of people who plot a coup d’état against a harsh tyrant by faking their deaths and forming a vigilante gang. On December 10, 2019, 6 underground had its world premiere at The Shed in New York City, and on December 13, 2019, Netflix distributed it. 6 Underground, a Netflix action thriller, is set under a “fictitious” Central Asian government. The action-packed drama, which debuted on Netflix on December 13, looks to be based on Turkmenistan and its real-life ruler.
In your “Film Message” section, you simply provide details about the film’s release, which is not your critical claim on the film’s message to the audience. As a result, readers won’t know the overall direction of your 800-word analysis of the film if the message/theme is not identified on your part. Since your submission is entitled “Film Analysis”, you do not simply inform readers about the synopsis of the film. Instead, you provide your own claim about what the film is trying to impart to the audience. Consider this example:
Plot: “Gone Girl” is a film about the sudden disappearance of a wife.
Thematic claim: “Gone Girl” is a feminist approach to power play.
Here, the film message or thematic claim establishes the overall direction of the film analysis. Rather than simply relaying what the film’s plot is about, what do you think is the message or theme “6 Underground” is conveying to the audience?
*SOFIA 10701038, you requested help with Content Development:
Next, as you begin revising your main idea/thesis, you would want to ensure your entire outline adheres to such analytical claim. Otherwise, readers won’t know how your essay content is cohesive in thought if your thesis statement is not supported by the body paragraphs. To give you an idea, here’s a sample outline you can use assuming you analyze the film’s theme through its main characters:
I. Introduction (with thesis) II. How is the theme/message conveyed by the first character? III. How is the theme/message conveyed by the second character? IV. How is the theme/message conveyed by the third character? V. Conclusion
Each Roman numeral represents one paragraph. Besides characters, you can also consider analyzing the film’s soundtrack, setting, among many other elements/devices. What you do keep in mind is that you only have a maximum of 800 words to analyze how the film conveys its intended message/theme to the audience. That way, you provide a critique of the film’ rather than just informing readers about its story.
Grammar & Mechanics
Lastly, I noticed subject-verb agreement errors. Here’s one example:
A group of technically dead outsiders band together in 6 underground to take down international bad guys. Here, the singular subject “group” and plural verb “band” do not agree in number. This can lead to your readers getting confused with the number of subjects doing the action. To fix this issue, here’s an example:
Singular: The student follows the instructions carefully. (The subject is “student”; the verb is “follows.”)
Plural: Students follow the instructions carefully. (The subject is “students”; the verb is “follow.”)
Singular subjects require singular verbs usually with –s added to the base form of the verb (follows). Plural subjects require plural verbs usually in their base form (follow). Kindly scan the rest of your paper for sentences containing subject-verb agreement errors.
Summary of Next Steps:
· Focus your analysis of the film on its message.
· Ensure your essay outline supports your analytical claim of the film.
· Make your subjects and verbs agree in number.
Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Sofia! I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day! ~ Joseph B.
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and usage in the Smarthinking Writer’s Handbook .
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Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your essay below. Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope to see you again soon.
Word Count = 544
Highlight:
a) Film 6 Underground
b) Explanation, Genre and Subgenre, Theme, Film Message, Common Human Experience, Best Scene and Dialogue, Team, Team Role
Netflix Movie: 6 Undergrounds
Movie Explanation: “6 Underground” is about an eccentric billionaire (Ryan Reynolds) who faked his own death to go underground and lead a team of similar mercenaries who can go off the grid and do the jobs that world governments refuse to do. It’s implied that he invented the vibration you feel when you get a text or call. [As you reorganize your essay’s outline, you would want to ensure your introduction paragraph briefly details the film’s release. When was it released? What is its genre? Kindly cut down the length of your current draft’s details about the release and cast as these merely function as an introduction, not the body, of your analysis.]
Genre and Subgenre: Action Thriller, Vigilante
Thematic concept: The soundtrack for Michael Bay’s Netflix blockbuster features a potent mix of electro and rock bangers that emphasize the film’s main themes of revenge and justice. A group of technically dead outsiders band together in 6 underground to take down international bad guys.
Film Message: It portrays a group of people who plot a coup d’état against a harsh tyrant by faking their deaths and forming a vigilante gang. On December 10, 2019, 6 underground had its world premiere at The Shed in New York City, and on December 13, 2019, Netflix distributed it. 6 Underground, a Netflix action thriller, is set under a “fictitious” Central Asian government. The action-packed drama, which debuted on Netflix on December 13, looks to be based on Turkmenistan and its real-life ruler.
Common Human Experience: There was, of course, a lot of military training! With the film’s emphasis on guns and explosions, it’s no surprise that the case was trained by one of the best—Navy SEAL Remi Adeleke, whose fascinating life story rivals that of the film’s characters. The actors spent several weeks with Adeleke, and “The Operator” Corey Hawkins describes the grueling obstacle courses Remi put them through in addition to weapon and ammunition training.
Best Scene and Dialogue: One (Reynolds) keeps asking Four (Ben Hardy) this question throughout the movie. His fear of death in particular, and how it can strike at any time and in seemingly random ways. What are the things that make you afraid the most? Allowing fear to govern one’s life is to place faith in the ‘what may be’ of life, which can lead to mental, emotional, or physical paralysis in many people. Fear refers to a mental state of being preoccupied with what might or might not happen, and it was common among Biblical people. Fears had to be overcome by Moses, Gideon, Esther, and others.
Team: Ryan Reynolds As One, Mélanie Laurent As Two, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo As Three, Ben Hardy As Four, Adria Arjona As Five, Dave Franco As Six, Corey Hawkins As Seven, Director is Michael Bay, writers are Paul Wernick, and Rhett Reese, producers are Dana Goldberg, Ian Bryce, David Ellison, Costume designers are Jany Temime.
Team Role: He recruits five people, each given a numbered nickname similar to his own, to renounce their pasts and join his cause: Two is a spy; Three is a hitman; Four is a parkour runner and thief; Five is a doctor; and Six is a driver. They call themselves “ghosts” when they’re all together. The team’s first mission takes them to Florence, Italy, where they question the lawyer of Turgistan’s four highest-ranking generals for information on the generals before speeding across the city in a bright green Alfa Romeo Giulia Quadrifoglio while being pursued by the Mafia and the Italian police. Just as they get away, Six is slain. [<– This sentence has a word count of 55, which may be wordy. To be more succinct, which words or phrases can be shortened or omitted?]
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