solution

As the employee with the best communication skills, you are frequently
asked to edit messages. The following e-mail has problems in proofreading,
conversational tone, buried verbs, organization, list parallelism, and the subject line.
To: Melody Menzes <melody@armorindustries.com>
From: Anthony Alvarado <anthony@armorindustries.com>
Subject: Need Your Help!
Cc:
____________________________________________________________________
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Melody,
This is just a note to let you know that because of your excellent researching skills,
the presidenet and the undersigned have selected you to work on a special project
collecting information for next years annual report. You will in all probability need
to visit each and every department head personal to collect department information
individually from them.
The Corporate Communications division which oversee the production of the annual
report is of the opinion that you should concentrate on the following items:
• specific accomplishments for the past year
• You should also find out about goals of each department for the coming year.
• in each department get names of interesting employees who have made a
contribution to the department or ones who have contributed to the community.
• Be sure to ask about special events featuring outstanding employees and
corporate officers.
Because of the fact that this is an assignment that is big in size, Darcy Coleman has
been given the assignment of offering assistance to you. We made the decision that it
was better to assign an assistant rather then have you be overwhelmed with the task.
Oh, one more thing. You should also be thinking about and collecting photos that
illustrate employees and special events.
Inasmuch as the annual report must be completed by September first, you must
submit this material to the undersigned by August 5th. We are grateful for your
expertise and have confidence that you will do a terrific job.